Abcs of attraction online dating
Sign up right now for your free confidential consultation to discover how Vi DA can deliver your dream girl to you as soon as this weekend!To: You If You Are Still Struggling To Break Through The Social Stigma, Stereotypes, and hurdles facing you in the dating world as an Asian man IT’S BRUTAL OUT THERE! (Although sometimes a little doubt might creep in.) …
But try telling that to the high-powered exec in Shanghai who e-mailed me a few months back, saying he didn’t have time for anything else but finding women on the Internet.Now JT is founder and lead dating coach at ABC’s of Attraction, a company devoted to helping men from all walks of life hone their success with women.He’s commonly referred to as the Asian Playboy and known by many as the top Asian dating expert in the world.Some guys are busy and online dating — even if it is racist — is better than nothing. What if Asian men could improve the online dating odds?What if there was a way for them to achieve results that could match or surpass those of white men?That’s what JT Tran (aka “The Asian Playboy”) and Alice Zindagi of ABCs of Attraction are promising in their new e-book ALICE: Our experiment is revolutionary because the dating world almost always fails to acknowledge the difficulties of dating for minority communities, especially Asian men.
Everyone knows that dating when you’re a tall, handsome white guy who looks like a carbon copy of Channing Tatum or Bradley Cooper is basically playing the game on easy mode and that being short or different is practically an online death sentence.
But for a couple of hours those issues need to be tabled. The one where you show up and the person you meet looks nothing like their online photos, or you quickly realize though your date is nice, he is not the guy for you. I must say the best advice I have ever received came from a friend now married to her second husband who said whatever you do, it should feel natural. Do your best to relax because likely your date has a touch of the jitters, too. By middle age everyone, including those who have never been married, has a unique story to tell about how they came to be your date. Dating in our forties, fifties, and beyond takes more effort than arranging on the fly to meet at the campus center after Psychology class. You have a lot to offer, but remember everyone is looking for something different, and therefore not necessarily for you. A couple of years ago, a guy I started seeing invited me to lunch for our third date. When I’m with a man who bashes his ex wife, and who talks about her condescendingly, I take note and heed the red flag he’s waving.
It’s common to be nervous on a first date, especially if you’re as unseasoned a dater as I was when I first began dating after my separation. Behave as the smart, sexy and confident woman you are. Don’t count dates, and don’t let your date count dates. Be honest about your intentions with your date with yourself. If your date wanted to spend the evening with the guys he would. We each have that potential inside us, so capture it, enjoy it, and let your date enjoy you. Regardless of our marital status, he will forever be the father of my children, and in my book that entitles him to respect.
No doubt real life will be waiting when that moment is up. You could be on the other side of that coin one day. Don’t start doing Conan O’Brien’s, in your head about you and your date. Your date could be a great match for you on paper or, as my mother always says, has all the checks in the right boxes, but if that spark isn’t there, it’s important to accept it and move on. No one likes to be on the receiving end of a Q&A session. Prepare for a first date as you would a job interview. When I explained I wasn’t comfortable having a man I barely know to my home, I didn’t hear from him again until he resurfaced a couple of weeks later, apologizing for his less than chivalrous behavior. For those using online dating, expand your search radius and expand your horizons. People come to where they are in life through their own trial and error.
Enjoy your time with (hopefully) good company (if not, see letter G), and stay in the moment. Unless you believe you are in imminent danger, try to get through the meeting as quickly but as politely as possible. No matter how many dates a person has had, meeting someone for the first time can be nerve-racking, especially if there is an immediate attraction. Careers, children, grandchildren, friends, and social commitments all factor in, and even if romance is not written in the stars, we can always learn from someone else’s life experience. Sometimes it boils down to plain old chemistry, or a lack of it. Ask questions but be a conversationalist and not an interviewer. A pretty face may get you in the door, but a smart woman is the one who keeps the guy from walking out that door. As soon as I agreed, he followed up with a text asking if he could bring said lunch to my house. I have yet to meet the man of my dreams sitting in my own backyard. If I had a nickel for every time a middle-aged man advised me unsolicited that he doesn’t need Viagra I would… Promises of sexual prowess on a first date make me wary, and I can’t help thinking back to high school English when one Lady Macbeth “doth protest too much.” W. No one person is ever at fault in a marriage’s end (except in cases of abuse), and I’m wary of anyone who claims otherwise.
That said, a first date is not a substitute for weekly therapy. Never make someone feel worse than they already may (the sting of rejection is already unpleasant enough). Look your best, but don’t appear as an aspiring high maintenance runway model. You don’t want to give your date the impression you are looking for more than you are (unless you actually are, and that’s okay, too). My father always used to tell me to act like a lady. That includes not ordering up a storm in a restaurant, and not eating food that will make me feel sick before, during, or after a date. The dog needed to be walked, or she had to pick up a child. One person shouldn’t shoulder all of the responsibility, whether it is for all of the expense, all of the traveling, or all of the planning. You will only set yourself up for disappointment later. “A frog walked into a bar…” While on a first date a few months back with a guy who was no prince, I was zealously told a joke about a frog performing oral sex on a woman. Interruptions are often par for the course, as well as last minute changes and cancellations. If he says he’s not looking for something serious, believe him. When the chemistry is there, miles suddenly won’t make any difference.